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November 12, 2015 marked two years in recovery…
Pffft what does that even mean? I say to myself…
It means that I have been fighting and trying to win my life back for two years.
It means that I have been trying to save my life for two years.
It means that I decided to turn on ED and be my own person two years ago.
For SO many years I believed these lies that I wasn’t good enough and that I didn’t belong here. That I was worthless. I lived in fear of what people thought of me. I lived in fear that someone wouldn’t like me. I lived in fear of my own shadow.
This is something that I’ve been working on for a while and continue to work on. Looking in a mirror I can pick out so many things that are wrong with me and that I want to change. It shouldn’t be like that. Today’s society advertises so much how you can fix any part of your body if you have the money to. I can’t even count how many times I’ve said to myself that if I had the money, I would change this, this and this. I am still learning to accept myself as I am, God made me this way, and I am his beautiful creation.
Oh ED, this journey we are on…
Every meal is like fighting a war. Every day is a new battle. A new fight to win.
Recovery is choosing to fight even on the bad days. Recovery is accepting that relapse will happen. Recovery is choosing LIFE.
What a short time it seems like for others, two years, but for me it feels like an eternity. Lots of battles, mistakes, achievements, and learning. Thank you to my treatment team, my recovery sisters, my family, my friends, and my coworkers. Thank you for all your love and support! I don’t know what I would do without you. The important thing is though that I NEVER and will NEVER give up.
