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Recently I got the pleasure of connecting with a beautiful young woman named Kiko. Kiko shared her story with me and what she is working on now. I am blessed to share her story, and show you guys that recovery is possible.
My name is Kiko. I am 20 years old, and I am originally from Japan. I was diagnosed with Anorexia when I was 17 years old.
Growing up I was an average kid. I was always active because I was a competitive swimmer and a track & field runner. Just as I turned 13, I got scouted by a local modeling agency in Tokyo. My parents and I turned down the offer because we decided I need an education first.
I always had many friends in school, but I didn’t like myself doing what everybody else was doing. I was focused on my dream to become an international model and if it didn’t help me get to there, then it wasn’t worth my time.
To be an international model, I had to learn in English. I decided that the best way to learn the language was to study abroad. In August 2014, I went to Vancouver, Canada for school. At that time, I was 17.
I decided to look at modeling agencies in Canada and planned to meet with one. During the meeting, I was told I had to lose weight before we could begin. I felt extremely bad about being “too fat” for the industry, so I immediately went on a diet. Everything went downhill from there.
Every day I spent over three hours in the gym while eating an apple and simple salad. I felt out of control when I was with my friends. I started feeling weak and falling over easily. I was freezing. My hair kept falling out. My period stopped. I often noticed people staring at me strangely.
Despite the fact that I was getting too skinny, I saw myself as “fat” in the mirror.
I ended up in the emergency room. My heart rate was so low that I could of had a heart attack and died. At the hospital, I was too cold to fall asleep. My teacher in Canada begged me to eat, but I could not. We both cried a lot.
In fact, I wanted to lose even more weight.
My dad and mom came to Canada and made me comfy food in the hotel; We argued a lot.
I smiled on the surface, but I was completely broken on the inside. I started eating what my body wanted. At this point, I signed with one of the top modeling agencies in the world.
After finishing my study abroad program, I went back to Japan. Everyone in school was in shock about how much weight I lost. I tried hard to pretend that I was completely healthy.
I felt so disconnected from myself. I felt so isolated. I felt like I had no one to talk to.
I was too sacred to go out to eat with my friends.
I would weigh myself every morning and my mood would depend on the number I saw.
One day, I felt so ridiculous that my self-worth depended on a number; I decided not to go on the scale.
That was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I finally realized that “the number on the scale does not define who you are.”
I could graduate from high school as a happier and healthier student.
I continued modeling while being myself in the industry. I wanted to see how it would work.
In 2016, my new agency in Tokyo told me that I had to lose weight. Countless times in my modeling career I was told to lose weight, and even that I would have to get a nose job. Finally, I realized I do not have to try to be someone they want me to be. They want me to be someone I am not and someone that will not make me happy.
Instead, I found my true passion.
Since there are many models out there suffering from the same issue, I want to create a “new” world of high fashion without barriers. I want to transform the industry into a happier and healthier one. In order to do that; we need to speak up, express, and share.
I want to tell as many girls as possible that, “you are beautiful in your own way.”
Currently, I am in Paris. I am working on starting an association with some supportive people who come to my meet up. My meet up is called the De’couvre Paris Fashion Modeling Industry Meet up.
At the meet up we discuss problems in the fashion/modeling industry. We also talk about self-love, self-acceptance, self- confidence, and true happiness.
The association I am working on is called High Fashion Renaissance. We aim to encourage young men and women to love their bodies and themselves just as they are. We want everyone to realize how beautiful they are and that they are enough just as they are.
Partnering like-minded organizations; High Fashion Renaissance seeks to bring positivity and self-respect to people in the fashion industry.
Feel free to reach out to me. I am here for you.
Sincerely,
Kiko
Kiko’s Instagram
Kiko’s Sunflower Soul Website
