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I’ve always hated going to the doctor’s office. However, now that I’ve been told that I must go every three months for them to “check in”; I can’t stand it at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I know they are good people and just want to help, but I am just over this.
Every time its check my weight, ask me a bunch of questions, and get blood work done.
It’s getting old and I absolutely HATE getting blood work done. I don’t like needles and I know its contradicting because I have tattoos, but it is completely different. Every time I get my blood work done, I get so lightheaded and feel like I’m going to pass out. This is not a good feeling at all.
Despite all of this, I am still here waiting for the doctor because I know that I need to be here to stay on track.
Today was like any other visit, except that the nurse left my file sitting on the counter this time. She must have been new, because one of the first things all my doctors were told was that I’m not allowed to see my weight no matter how much I ask.
So, what do I do?
Look at it of course, even though I know that I shouldn’t.
And there I see it… Staring at me… My weight… oh how I just want to go ballistic right now.
My mind is racing. This number, how could this be? That isn’t my weight. There must be a mistake!
Sitting there with these thoughts, oh how I just want to let ED take back control.
“I’ll just eat everything, then get rid of it. No one will suspect a thing.”
“I shouldn’t eat the rest of the day; I can’t put on more weight.”
“I need to exercise starting right now.”
In addition to many more thoughts going through my head, they won’t stop.
A different nurse came in and caught my attention.
“Wow, going back to school?” she said.
“No, I am transferring to a university to get my bachelor’s in psychology.” I said.
“You’re going to do fantastic, congratulations!” she said.
This line, these words, they grounded me. It may seem simple, but it made me think of how I need to continue this battle, because there is so much more to life then my eating disorder. I know that my future is bright and that I was put in this world for more than this. I can do more than this, I must keep fighting.
