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This post is dedicated to all of my frew girls and everyone in recovery.
I know I’m not the only one who gets this question all the time, “You went to treatment, aren’t you okay now?”
There are SO many answers to this question, BUT I am going to be bluntly honest. This is the truth, sorry.
People think that we are like a car going into the shop to get fixed. You go into treatment and then you come out brand new. This isn’t true. Also, neither is a car, they just patch up the mark. Being in treatment is similar, but even after treatment it takes constant fixing.
You have to work at it every day. You will have your good days and you will have your bad days. Eventually, you learn to accept it. Another thing that I have learned is that relapse does happen and it’s okay. It took me a lot of work and time to realize that relapse is inevitable.
It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to go to treatment.
I went into treatment as a last resort, because I didn’t know what to do (as what was the case with most of us). I had no idea what to expect, how vulnerable I would get, or how it would save my life. Looking back, I remember thinking I would be in and out in a few days. I never realized how complex eating disorders are and that even we don’t understand it fully.
My first few days there I remember my therapist telling me to open up to her and the other girls, but I had my wall up. I remember telling her “No, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I want to go home” and stormed out of her office.
Later on, that day, I ended up changing my mind and opening up. I couldn’t take it anymore and I felt like I needed to tell someone about everything that was building up inside of me or it would eat me alive. From that day on I have been so dedicated to fighting this disease.
That day I saw a glance of who I really am as a person, and I am determined that one day I will be happy. Genuinely happy.
Getting help for my eating disorder changed my life and it is one of the best decisions I ever made.
